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Author Topic: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11  (Read 15848 times)

blues brother

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Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« on: July 21, 2010, 08:57:37 AM »

Lionel Richie has just recorded a new single especially for Muslims, it`s called Halal, Is it meat your looking for.
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The Fist

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2010, 09:41:24 AM »

Whats the difference between Cinderella and the England football team?
Cinderella wanted to get to the ball…………
 
Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still
alive. He said that the England Team performance on Saturday was completely
s**t. British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the
message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years.

Robert Green - The only man to leave Africa with out catching anything .

In a statement from broadcasting house, all future England games will now
be shown on the gay porn channel. It is thought that 11 arseholes being
regularly shafted is too explicit for regular TV.

I can't believe we only managed a draw against a s**t team we should easily
have beaten......I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian.

 Fifa have released a statement saying the fan didn't break into the
dressing room after all, but was let in by Rob Green.

 What's the difference between Rob Green's spill and BP's spill?
- Robert Green has got a cap for his.

Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car
park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He
stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" To which the old lady replied,
"No way. You got yourself into this f*****g mess, don't ask me to sort it
out..."

The FA have launched an inquiry to find out how a fan found his way into
the dressing room. And another enquiry into how Aaron Lennon found his way
into the dressing room.
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These are small...........those are far away..

Keith Lard

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2010, 05:00:40 PM »

little bit rude...but here goes

Man goes into Waterstones and asks assistant, "Do you have the book about small willies?"

Assistant says "It's not in yet."

Man says "Thats the one!"
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Too many man are chasing them Zara level chicks. Its crowded up there. swear down u gotta get academy on that shit. smart guys like me are scouting those lower league girls who are just about to step up to Zara level. Lower leagues is where its at trust me. I'm talking about Claire's Accessories, New Look, Barratts.

THE COMEDY POSTMAN

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2010, 05:12:25 PM »

little bit rude...but here goes

Man goes into Waterstones and asks assistant, "Do you have the book about small willies?"

Assistant says "It's not in yet."

Man says "That's the one!"
Was the assistant called Justin.
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WERE COMING FOR YOU WERE COMING FOR YOU EBBSFLEET UTD WERE COMING FOR YOU.

blues brother

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2010, 05:13:39 PM »

England have just announced their upcoming sponsor for this year. Huggies- piss at the front and shite at the back.
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blues brother

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2010, 05:16:24 PM »

My mate has been admitted as a critical patient at a premature ejaculation clinic .... His wife says at the moment it`s touch and go!!!!
« Last Edit: July 26, 2010, 05:56:36 PM by Blues Brother »
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blues brother

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #6 on: July 26, 2010, 05:18:25 PM »

My new girlfriend lets me lick anything off her and i love it. Butter,jam,cheese, you name it she lets me lick it off her.
She`s a cracker.
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Keith Lard

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #7 on: July 26, 2010, 05:21:23 PM »

Englands new Sponsor's have been announced. They are just arguing over the positioning on the shirt.

It's the petrol company TOTAL

The fashion chain FCUK

And the parcel delivery firm UPS

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Too many man are chasing them Zara level chicks. Its crowded up there. swear down u gotta get academy on that shit. smart guys like me are scouting those lower league girls who are just about to step up to Zara level. Lower leagues is where its at trust me. I'm talking about Claire's Accessories, New Look, Barratts.

blues brother

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #8 on: July 26, 2010, 05:21:58 PM »

Little boy arrives home to find his mum and dad having sex on the sofa.Dad says," Dont worry son I`m just filling mummy with petrol !. Son replies," She doesnt do many miles to the gallon does she dad, uncle dave only filled her up this morning.
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blues brother

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #9 on: July 26, 2010, 05:25:38 PM »

A couple having sex outside at night, he says " i wish i had a torch she says so do i you`ve been licking that slug on the grass for the last ten minutes.
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LittleBlondeTom

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #10 on: July 26, 2010, 08:44:36 PM »

Blind man walks into a bar. Then the wall, then a stool, then the door....

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4 added minutes...AND BRADBROOK! - The number one DFC podcast - http://bit.ly/dartfordpodcast

Conay

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2010, 11:01:03 AM »

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rambo

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #12 on: August 13, 2010, 01:57:55 PM »

chas n dave have got together with snoop and will be singing   

"knees up mother ######"
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Mr.Jol (softcore)

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #13 on: August 14, 2010, 02:50:22 AM »

My best mates wife went out last week for a pint of milk and never came back.
She's been missing for days now.
I saw my mate again yesterday and asked him how he was coping,
he said he's using the powdered stuff...
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blues brother

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #14 on: September 17, 2010, 09:22:43 AM »

I said to the wife in bed "Give us a Chilean Miner would you darling". "What`s that ?" "Go down to the bottom of me shaft and stay there till F??king Christmas".
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