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Author Topic: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11  (Read 15848 times)

blues brother

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #15 on: September 17, 2010, 09:25:48 AM »

A women died of Diarrhoea today after having anal sex with six men in a vintage car.
Police say it was a Pretty Shitty Gang Bang.
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The Don

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #16 on: September 17, 2010, 09:57:48 AM »

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it he is confronted by a little Chinese guy with a clipboard yelling "You sign ! You sign !" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car parts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, "I've not ordered this". Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard and says "You not Nissan Main Deala ?"
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Go on Ryno...... shoot

DA Mikey

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #17 on: September 17, 2010, 01:15:02 PM »

I was at the beach the other day and as I looked across the sands I saw a man and a woman having a bit of an argument. I stood and watched for a while and the longer the argument went on, the more people walking by also stopped and watched. I'm sad to say that many of them were children. Anyway, the argument got worse with each passing minute and the crowd that was forming started to get a little agitated, shouting at the man and the woman, egging them on in the argument. After a while, the man picked up a stick and began to beat the woman around the head. I was disgusted when this just made the crowd cheer and egg the man on more. A policeman even came over and tried to calm the couple down, but the man just paused in his asault of the woman to smack the policeman around the head with the stick instead!
By this time, the crowd around them were jeering at the three and it was obvious no-one was going to intervene. I looked away in disgust at how a small argument betwen two people had escalated so far. Then, to make matters worse, the crocodile ate their sausages.
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At last... a superhero with a burnt face

Kebabus

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #18 on: September 19, 2010, 03:35:53 PM »

‎8 Pentonville prison wardens rushed into the shower to confront 'suicide watch' George Micheal to find him naked, alone and with something not too nice sliding down the wall 'whats that?' the lead warden says 'my latest release' is the reply
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It's on a need to know basis..........and you don't need to know.

LittleBlondeTom

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #19 on: September 19, 2010, 11:03:14 PM »

"Doctor, Doctor! I have a big problem!

"What's that, sir?"

"Every time I masturbate I can't help but sing 'Glory, Glory Tottenham Hotspur!'"

"Don't worry, sir, all wankers do that."
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Conay

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #20 on: September 26, 2010, 07:19:28 PM »

At least Liverpool can now concentrate on the Champions Lea... the Premier Leag... their families.               
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Conay

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #21 on: October 03, 2010, 08:50:17 PM »

You've got to feel sorry for Heskey, he sets up Villa's goal only to go on and lose 2-1, and to top it all off he didn't make the final 12 on X Factor.               
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blues brother

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #22 on: October 06, 2010, 11:46:08 AM »

The Fire Brigade were trying to rescue paddy from the 10th floor of a burning building.
Fireman shouts " jump and we`ll catch you in this blanket. Paddy replies " Feck off I dont trust you, lay it on the floor" !.
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HantsDart

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #23 on: October 06, 2010, 12:06:35 PM »

A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."
 
The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
 
A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either.  In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
 
The U.K. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in the U.K. 4 months ago we grabbed a person with no brains, no heart, and no balls....we made him Prime Minister, and now.......the whole country is looking for work!!!!!!"
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THE ATHLETE'S BEVERAGE.  TRUMAN'S BEERS

blues brother

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #24 on: October 15, 2010, 09:14:56 AM »

The missus has just come into the living room wearing a little pvc number, fishnets and high heels. She handed me a cold beer and told me to sit down, relax, and when she comes back she`ll give me `what she does best`.



I cant wait










I love Shepherds Pie.
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blues brother

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #25 on: October 15, 2010, 09:19:33 AM »

I said to the wife "give me a Chilean Miner" she said is that where i go down to the bottom of your shaft and stay there till xmas"
I replied " no, thats the one where you f?ck off down  a hole and dont bother me for 3 months"
« Last Edit: October 15, 2010, 09:21:04 AM by Blues Brother »
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DA Mikey

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #26 on: October 15, 2010, 02:49:31 PM »

50% of men masturbate in the shower. The other 50% sing a song.

Do you know what song they sing?












I knew you wouldn't.
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At last... a superhero with a burnt face

blues brother

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #27 on: October 16, 2010, 09:15:34 AM »

Paddy finds a sandwich with two red wires sticking out of it. He phones the police and says `Bejesus, i`ve found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb` The operator asks, "is it tickin?" Paddy says `No i tink it`s Beef` ........
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HantsDart

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #28 on: October 19, 2010, 02:56:28 PM »

My wife brought home a large tub of ice cream and asked if I wanted some. "How hard is it?" I asked. cheekily she replied, "As hard as your cock is when you think of me naked".    "Go on then", I said, "Pour me some".
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THE ATHLETE'S BEVERAGE.  TRUMAN'S BEERS

blues brother

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #29 on: October 19, 2010, 09:04:08 PM »

Granny and Grandad sitting at the breakfast table. Granny says "do you know .... My nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago?" grandad says  " course they are... Ones in your tea, and the other`s in your fu?king porridge.
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