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Author Topic: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11  (Read 15848 times)

The 5th Searcher

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #225 on: January 22, 2012, 05:45:54 PM »

The owners of the Costa Concordia have stated that their next captain will be guaranteed not to hit anything.......Fernando Torres starts work on Monday.
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Dartford F.C. supporter for 25 + years

terry

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #226 on: January 22, 2012, 05:59:59 PM »

bouhght a raffle ticket for next weeks med cruise
last weeks was a rollover
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come on you darts 3 points please

terry

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #227 on: January 23, 2012, 09:45:21 AM »

after many years my wife finally agrees to having anal sex

but WHAT THE F**KS A STRAP ON
 xnod
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come on you darts 3 points please

Coney 2012

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #228 on: January 23, 2012, 10:27:28 PM »

Rung the model shop and asked for a model of the Costa Concordia.
He said he would put it to one side for me.
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Some people are still alive only because it is illegal to kill them.
Constructive criticism?? Don't get it. If it's still criticism, how is it constructive?

terry

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #229 on: January 23, 2012, 10:33:54 PM »

i was stood at a urinal today, next to me was a midget also having a pee,
i noticed he was winking at me so i looked away
i turned again and looked and the little shit was still winking at me like crazy.
disturbed by this i said to him
r u gay ??? do you fancy me or something???
he replied ""no you are splashing in my face"""
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come on you darts 3 points please

180

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #230 on: January 23, 2012, 11:51:55 PM »

How do you make a Pirate angry?

Take the P out of him.

-----

Who will take the second shot in this snooker game?

Find out after the break.

HantsDart

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #231 on: February 09, 2012, 09:36:14 AM »

An 85 year-old Pilot sat down at the local Starbucks, still wearing his old flying suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearman's then the early Grummans... Flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?


She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'


The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a young man came in and sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?"


He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
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THE ATHLETE'S BEVERAGE.  TRUMAN'S BEERS

DA Mikey

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #232 on: February 09, 2012, 03:04:09 PM »

Former England captain John Terry has made a statement: I thank Fabio for his dedication and support. For the future I recommend a manager whom I believe shares my values and beliefs. That's why I'm calling for a management team of Ron Atkinson and Luis Suarez.
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At last... a superhero with a burnt face

Keith Lard

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #233 on: February 09, 2012, 04:25:02 PM »

The credit crunch is worse than I thought.

I just got a letter from Readers Digest saying I had NOT been included in this months prize draw.
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Too many man are chasing them Zara level chicks. Its crowded up there. swear down u gotta get academy on that shit. smart guys like me are scouting those lower league girls who are just about to step up to Zara level. Lower leagues is where its at trust me. I'm talking about Claire's Accessories, New Look, Barratts.

180

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #234 on: February 09, 2012, 10:14:10 PM »

A bloke goes for a job at a blacksmith.
The blacksmith says "Have you any experience at shoeing horses?"
The bloke says "No, but I once told a donkey to f*ck off"

Mr.Jol (softcore)

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #235 on: February 10, 2012, 01:55:43 AM »

Arsene Wenger asks Harry Redknapp   "How do you get Gareth Bale to play so well"
Harry says   "I tell him he can play anywhere he likes"
Arsene replies   "I said that to Fabregas and he F****ed off to Barcelona"
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Silverado

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #236 on: February 10, 2012, 01:57:35 AM »

 xtip xtip xtip xtip xtip xtip xtip
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Rolling back the (50+) years...

Keith Lard

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #237 on: February 10, 2012, 08:44:47 AM »

Tim Vine has picked up the award for the year's funniest joke at the Loaded Laftas comedy awards.

The 44-year-old beat acts like Jimmy Carr and magician Paul Daniels with, "Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes".
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Too many man are chasing them Zara level chicks. Its crowded up there. swear down u gotta get academy on that shit. smart guys like me are scouting those lower league girls who are just about to step up to Zara level. Lower leagues is where its at trust me. I'm talking about Claire's Accessories, New Look, Barratts.

DA Mikey

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #238 on: February 10, 2012, 08:57:11 AM »

Can't believe he beat Daniels  xshake
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Silverado

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Re: Cheer Me Up Thread 2010/11
« Reply #239 on: February 10, 2012, 09:33:12 AM »

Sice when has Paul Daniels been a comedian? ....Oh, sorry - stupid question!
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Rolling back the (50+) years...
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